Friday..it's joke time...oops!

[Robert Lees]

Bush and Elizabeth II

Following is a British press report about a conversation between George W Bush and Queen Elizabeth II, during the recent State visit...

George W Bush met The Queen, and he turned to her for advice. "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how my country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom".

“I'm sorry Mr. Bush" the Queen replied "but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?"

"Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr. Bush" replied the Queen

Bush thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?"

The Queen, getting a little p*s*ed off by now replied "Sorry again, Mr. Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor".

Before George Bush could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country".

[M Jones]

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

[paulp]

A young girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to four but I counted all the way to 10.

That's wonderful said her mother. " Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" Yes dear, it's because your blonde, replied the mother.

The next day, the girl came skipping home from school all excited.
"Mommy, Mommy she cried breathlessly, when we practiced the alphabet today, the other kids could only get to d and I got all of the way to g. "Very good," replied the mother. Mommy, is it because I'm blonde that I'm smarter than the other kids? Yes, pumpkin, said the mother it's because your blonde.

The next day the girl came home from school and said "Mommy, Mommy when we were in the shower after gym class today I noticed all of the other girls had flat chests and I have these. And she lifted her tank top and revealed a pair of 36C's. That's very nice responded the embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde that I'm so far ahead of the other kids?" asked the girl.

The mother replied," No dear, it's because your 25!"

[CraigH]

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea. One was called Justin and the other was called Christian. Life was good, except that the prawns were constantly being chased and threatened by sharks. Finally one day, Justin said to Christian, "I'm tired of being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have to worry about being eaten." Just then a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted," and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian swam off, afraid of being eaten up by his old friend.

Time went by and Justin found himself bored and lonely as a shark. All his old pals were afraid of him and swam away whenever he came near. Then one day he was out swimming and saw the mysterious cod.

"I want to be a prawn again," said Justin. "Please change me back!" And lo and behold, the cod changed him back to a prawn. With tears of joy in his little eyes, Justin swam to Christian's house and knocked on the door. "It's me, Justin, your old friend! Come out and see me!" he shouted.

"No," said Christian. "I'll not be tricked. You're a shark and you will eat me!"

Justin cried back, "No, I'm not! That was the old me. I've changed. I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again, Christian!"

[Howard Wilson]

A termite walked into a bar, and asked; "where's the bartender?"

[Buck]

Oh no Howard! You gave out one of my best ones :-( (grin!)

[Buck]

A penguin goes into the bar. Asks the bartender, "Have you seen my Dad?"

The bartender replies, "I don't know. What's he look like?"

[Howard Wilson]

Sorry Buck, Not many people have heard that old one. Since you brought up those little guys in tuxedos; how about this high brow classic. A man sat on a boxcar. His feet dragged on the ground................Longfellow