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LIBERAL
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your
congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs
to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for
the cow-lessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't
attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4
cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care
about cowless people, even though you really haven't done anything to help
them at all.
CONSERVATIVE
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man
in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for
the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You
force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef.
PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the
children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your
congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs
to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for
the cow-lessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't
attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4
cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care
about cowless people, even though you really haven't done anything to help
them at all.
CONSERVATIVE
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man
in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for
the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You
force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef.
PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the
children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.
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