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Governmentium
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a
second.
Governmentium has a normal shelf-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an
element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium."
Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take
over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a
second.
Governmentium has a normal shelf-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an
element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.