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Bubba Clause
MEMO FROM SANTA
I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I
will no longer be able to service the Southern United
States on Christmas Eve. Due to overwhelming current
population of the earth, I I now serve only the
northern United States.. However, I'm certain that
your children will be in good hands with your local
replacement who happens to be my brother in law,.
Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South
pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the
good boys and girls; however, there are a few
differences between us. Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your
presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his
sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "Gun Control
is a Steady Hand."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
that children leave a RC Cola and peanut patty (or a
moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a
pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the
mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one
time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and
Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead you'll
hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and
LaBonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliot and Petty."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And
you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves reply, "I
her'd dat!"
6. Bubba's sleigh also has a bumper sticker that
reads "My Other Car is a John Deere"
7. The interior of Bubba's sleigh is the envy of the
south. It boasts the latest in 8 track technology, a
top o' the line fuzzbuster, an oversized chrome foot
shaped gas pedal, fully carpeted dash, and Yosemite
Sam floormats.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other
way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
9. Bubba Claus refuses to wear the standard issue
Santa cap because he says it makes him look like a
girly-boy. He has been granted permission to wear a
white Stetson with a red band and black cowboy boots
instead.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I
will no longer be able to service the Southern United
States on Christmas Eve. Due to overwhelming current
population of the earth, I I now serve only the
northern United States.. However, I'm certain that
your children will be in good hands with your local
replacement who happens to be my brother in law,.
Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South
pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the
good boys and girls; however, there are a few
differences between us. Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your
presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his
sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "Gun Control
is a Steady Hand."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
that children leave a RC Cola and peanut patty (or a
moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a
pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an
empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared,
flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the
mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one
time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and
Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead you'll
hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and
LaBonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliot and Petty."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And
you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves reply, "I
her'd dat!"
6. Bubba's sleigh also has a bumper sticker that
reads "My Other Car is a John Deere"
7. The interior of Bubba's sleigh is the envy of the
south. It boasts the latest in 8 track technology, a
top o' the line fuzzbuster, an oversized chrome foot
shaped gas pedal, fully carpeted dash, and Yosemite
Sam floormats.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other
way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
9. Bubba Claus refuses to wear the standard issue
Santa cap because he says it makes him look like a
girly-boy. He has been granted permission to wear a
white Stetson with a red band and black cowboy boots
instead.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
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