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The easy way to give a cat medication
Pick up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws lightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s
head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just
visible from below spouse’s armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw
t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who cashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to
leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force
cat’s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by
large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour ½ pint if water
down throat to wash pill down.
Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor
stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Arrange for vet to make a house call. Evil
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws lightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat’s
head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just
visible from below spouse’s armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw
t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who cashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to
leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force
cat’s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by
large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour ½ pint if water
down throat to wash pill down.
Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor
stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
Arrange for vet to make a house call. Evil